Memaw 2

Memaw 2

By MT

Story Content

Memaw by Mario Tofano 1. EXT. GOLF COURSE - DAY White sand sprays into the sky, a golf ball reaches the summit of a sand trap before rolling back down. The head of the golf club is wiped clean. Now, the club whips down into the pit of sand again, the ball flies into the concave lip of the bunker and once again rolls down. Up and down the ball travels again in Sisyphean futility. A wooden nickel drops into the sand to mark the ball. The GOLFER lifts the ball to examine it. His soft appearance belies a discontent...This is BRIAN, 68, wearing baggy golf knickers and long plaid socks. examining the ball dubiously. Surely user error is not to blame for his... COURSE MARSHAL (O.S.) Excuse me, sir. Brian turns to find a man and cart with some surprise. He hadn't noticed. BRIAN Yeah? COURSE MARSHAL It's time you moved on. You had your shot. Twenty of them at this point. BRIAN But I'm not finished. COURSE MARSHAL Yes you are. Brian drops his ball into the sand defiantly. He squares his shoulders to hit the ball again. He re-focuses on hitting out of the hazard. COURSE MARSHAL If you hit that ball, I'm going to ask you to... CUT TO: EXT. GOLF COURSE PARKING LOT - DAY Grumbling angrily under his breath, Brian throws his golf clubs into the trunk of his car. The Course Marshal watches him from the sidewalk. Brian stares at the Marshal while Memaw by Mario Tofano 1. EXT. GOLF COURSE - DAY White sand sprays into the sky, a golf ball reaches the summit of a sand trap before rolling back down. The head of the golf club is wiped clean. Now, the club whips down into the pit of sand again, the ball flies into the concave lip of the bunker and once again rolls down. Up and down the ball travels again in Sisyphean futility. A wooden nickel drops into the sand to mark the ball. The GOLFER lifts the ball to examine it. His soft appearance belies a discontent...This is BRIAN, 68, wearing baggy golf knickers and long plaid socks. examining the ball dubiously. Surely user error is not to blame for his... COURSE MARSHAL (O.S.) Excuse me, sir. Brian turns to find a man and cart with some surprise. He hadn't noticed. BRIAN Yeah? COURSE MARSHAL It's time you moved on. You had your shot. Twenty of them at this point. BRIAN But I'm not finished. COURSE MARSHAL Yes you are. Brian drops his ball into the sand defiantly. He squares his shoulders to hit the ball again. He re-focuses on hitting out of the hazard. COURSE MARSHAL If you hit that ball, I'm going to ask you to... CUT TO: EXT. GOLF COURSE PARKING LOT - DAY Grumbling angrily under his breath, Brian throws his golf clubs into the trunk of his car. The Course Marshal watches him from the sidewalk. Brian stares at the Marshal while Memaw by Mario Tofano 1. EXT. GOLF COURSE - DAY White sand sprays into the sky, a golf ball reaches the summit of a sand trap before rolling back down. The head of the golf club is wiped clean. Now, the club whips down into the pit of sand again, the ball flies into the concave lip of the bunker and once again rolls down. Up and down the ball travels again in Sisyphean futility. A wooden nickel drops into the sand to mark the ball. The GOLFER lifts the ball to examine it. His soft appearance belies a discontent...This is BRIAN, 68, wearing baggy golf knickers and long plaid socks. examining the ball dubiously. Surely user error is not to blame for his... COURSE MARSHAL (O.S.) Excuse me, sir. Brian turns to find a man and cart with some surprise. He hadn't noticed. BRIAN Yeah? COURSE MARSHAL It's time you moved on. You had your shot. Twenty of them at this point. BRIAN But I'm not finished. COURSE MARSHAL Yes you are. Brian drops his ball into the sand defiantly. He squares his shoulders to hit the ball again. He re-focuses on hitting out of the hazard. COURSE MARSHAL If you hit that ball, I'm going to ask you to... CUT TO: EXT. GOLF COURSE PARKING LOT - DAY Grumbling angrily under his breath, Brian throws his golf clubs into the trunk of his car. The Course Marshal watches him from the sidewalk. Brian stares at the Marshal while Memaw by Mario Tofano 1. EXT. GOLF COURSE - DAY White sand sprays into the sky, a golf ball reaches the summit of a sand trap before rolling back down. The head of the golf club is wiped clean. Now, the club whips down into the pit of sand again, the ball flies into the concave lip of the bunker and once again rolls down. Up and down the ball travels again in Sisyphean futility. A wooden nickel drops into the sand to mark the ball. The GOLFER lifts the ball to examine it. His soft appearance belies a discontent...This is BRIAN, 68, wearing baggy golf knickers and long plaid socks. examining the ball dubiously. Surely user error is not to blame for his... COURSE MARSHAL (O.S.) Excuse me, sir. Brian turns to find a man and cart with some surprise. He hadn't noticed. BRIAN Yeah? COURSE MARSHAL It's time you moved on. You had your shot. Twenty of them at this point. BRIAN But I'm not finished. COURSE MARSHAL Yes you are. Brian drops his ball into the sand defiantly. He squares his shoulders to hit the ball again. He re-focuses on hitting out of the hazard. COURSE MARSHAL If you hit that ball, I'm going to ask you to... CUT TO: EXT. GOLF COURSE PARKING LOT - DAY Grumbling angrily under his breath, Brian throws his golf clubs into the trunk of his car. The Course Marshal watches him from the sidewalk. Brian stares at the Marshal while Memaw by Mario Tofano 1. EXT. GOLF COURSE - DAY White sand sprays into the sky, a golf ball reaches the summit of a sand trap before rolling back down. The head of the golf club is wiped clean. Now, the club whips down into the pit of sand again, the ball flies into the concave lip of the bunker and once again rolls down. Up and down the ball travels again in Sisyphean futility. A wooden nickel drops into the sand to mark the ball. The GOLFER lifts the ball to examine it. His soft appearance belies a discontent...This is BRIAN, 68, wearing baggy golf knickers and long plaid socks. examining the ball dubiously. Surely user error is not to blame for his... COURSE MARSHAL (O.S.) Excuse me, sir. Brian turns to find a man and cart with some surprise. He hadn't noticed. BRIAN Yeah? COURSE MARSHAL It's time you moved on. You had your shot. Twenty of them at this point. BRIAN But I'm not finished. COURSE MARSHAL Yes you are. Brian drops his ball into the sand defiantly. He squares his shoulders to hit the ball again. He re-focuses on hitting out of the hazard. COURSE MARSHAL If you hit that ball, I'm going to ask you to... CUT TO: EXT. GOLF COURSE PARKING LOT - DAY Grumbling angrily under his breath, Brian throws his golf clubs into the trunk of his car. The Course Marshal watches him from the sidewalk. Brian stares at the Marshal while Memaw by Mario Tofano 1. EXT. GOLF COURSE - DAY White sand sprays into the sky, a golf ball reaches the summit of a sand trap before rolling back down. The head of the golf club is wiped clean. Now, the club whips down into the pit of sand again, the ball flies into the concave lip of the bunker and once again rolls down. Up and down the ball travels again in Sisyphean futility. A wooden nickel drops into the sand to mark the ball. The GOLFER lifts the ball to examine it. His soft appearance belies a discontent...This is BRIAN, 68, wearing baggy golf knickers and long plaid socks. examining the ball dubiously. Surely user error is not to blame for his... COURSE MARSHAL (O.S.) Excuse me, sir. Brian turns to find a man and cart with some surprise. He hadn't noticed. BRIAN Yeah? COURSE MARSHAL It's time you moved on. You had your shot. Twenty of them at this point. BRIAN But I'm not finished. COURSE MARSHAL Yes you are. Brian drops his ball into the sand defiantly. He squares his shoulders to hit the ball again. He re-focuses on hitting out of the hazard. COURSE MARSHAL If you hit that ball, I'm going to ask you to... CUT TO: EXT. GOLF COURSE PARKING LOT - DAY Grumbling angrily under his breath, Brian throws his golf clubs into the trunk of his car. The Course Marshal watches him from the sidewalk. Brian stares at the Marshal while Memaw by Mario Tofano 1. EXT. GOLF COURSE - DAY White sand sprays into the sky, a golf ball reaches the summit of a sand trap before rolling back down. The head of the golf club is wiped clean. Now, the club whips down into the pit of sand again, the ball flies into the concave lip of the bunker and once again rolls down. Up and down the ball travels again in Sisyphean futility. A wooden nickel drops into the sand to mark the ball. The GOLFER lifts the ball to examine it. His soft appearance belies a discontent...This is BRIAN, 68, wearing baggy golf knickers and long plaid socks. examining the ball dubiously. Surely user error is not to blame for his... COURSE MARSHAL (O.S.) Excuse me, sir. Brian turns to find a man and cart with some surprise. He hadn't noticed. BRIAN Yeah? COURSE MARSHAL It's time you moved on. You had your shot. Twenty of them at this point. BRIAN But I'm not finished. COURSE MARSHAL Yes you are. Brian drops his ball into the sand defiantly. He squares his shoulders to hit the ball again. He re-focuses on hitting out of the hazard. COURSE MARSHAL If you hit that ball, I'm going to ask you to... CUT TO: EXT. GOLF COURSE PARKING LOT - DAY Grumbling angrily under his breath, Brian throws his golf clubs into the trunk of his car. The Course Marshal watches him from the sidewalk. Brian stares at the Marshal while Memaw by Mario Tofano 1. EXT. GOLF COURSE - DAY White sand sprays into the sky, a golf ball reaches the summit of a sand trap before rolling back down. The head of the golf club is wiped clean. Now, the club whips down into the pit of sand again, the ball flies into the concave lip of the bunker and once again rolls down. Up and down the ball travels again in Sisyphean futility. A wooden nickel drops into the sand to mark the ball. The GOLFER lifts the ball to examine it. His soft appearance belies a discontent...This is BRIAN, 68, wearing baggy golf knickers and long plaid socks. examining the ball dubiously. Surely user error is not to blame for his... COURSE MARSHAL (O.S.) Excuse me, sir. Brian turns to find a man and cart with some surprise. He hadn't noticed. BRIAN Yeah? COURSE MARSHAL It's time you moved on. You had your shot. Twenty of them at this point. BRIAN But I'm not finished. COURSE MARSHAL Yes you are. Brian drops his ball into the sand defiantly. He squares his shoulders to hit the ball again. He re-focuses on hitting out of the hazard. COURSE MARSHAL If you hit that ball, I'm going to ask you to... CUT TO: EXT. GOLF COURSE PARKING LOT - DAY Grumbling angrily under his breath, Brian throws his golf clubs into the trunk of his car. The Course Marshal watches him from the sidewalk. Brian stares at the Marshal while Memaw by Mario Tofano 1. EXT. GOLF COURSE - DAY White sand sprays into the sky, a golf ball reaches the summit of a sand trap before rolling back down. The head of the golf club is wiped clean. Now, the club whips down into the pit of sand again, the ball flies into the concave lip of the bunker and once again rolls down. Up and down the ball travels again in Sisyphean futility. A wooden nickel drops into the sand to mark the ball. The GOLFER lifts the ball to examine it. His soft appearance belies a discontent...This is BRIAN, 68, wearing baggy golf knickers and long plaid socks. examining the ball dubiously. Surely user error is not to blame for his... COURSE MARSHAL (O.S.) Excuse me, sir. Brian turns to find a man and cart with some surprise. He hadn't noticed. BRIAN Yeah? COURSE MARSHAL It's time you moved on. You had your shot. Twenty of them at this point. BRIAN But I'm not finished. COURSE MARSHAL Yes you are. Brian drops his ball into the sand defiantly. He squares his shoulders to hit the ball again. He re-focuses on hitting out of the hazard. COURSE MARSHAL If you hit that ball, I'm going to ask you to... CUT TO: EXT. GOLF COURSE PARKING LOT - DAY Grumbling angrily under his breath, Brian throws his golf clubs into the trunk of his car. The Course Marshal watches him from the sidewalk. Brian stares at the Marshal while Memaw by Mario Tofano 1. EXT. GOLF COURSE - DAY White sand sprays into the sky, a golf ball reaches the summit of a sand trap before rolling back down. The head of the golf club is wiped clean. Now, the club whips down into the pit of sand again, the ball flies into the concave lip of the bunker and once again rolls down. Up and down the ball travels again in Sisyphean futility. A wooden nickel drops into the sand to mark the ball. The GOLFER lifts the ball to examine it. His soft appearance belies a discontent...This is BRIAN, 68, wearing baggy golf knickers and long plaid socks. examining the ball dubiously. Surely user error is not to blame for his... COURSE MARSHAL (O.S.) Excuse me, sir. Brian turns to find a man and cart with some surprise. He hadn't noticed. BRIAN Yeah? COURSE MARSHAL It's time you moved on. You had your shot. Twenty of them at this point. BRIAN But I'm not finished. COURSE MARSHAL Yes you are. Brian drops his ball into the sand defiantly. He squares his shoulders to hit the ball again. He re-focuses on hitting out of the hazard. COURSE MARSHAL If you hit that ball, I'm going to ask you to... CUT TO: EXT. GOLF COURSE PARKING LOT - DAY Grumbling angrily under his breath, Brian throws his golf clubs into the trunk of his car. The Course Marshal watches him from the sidewalk. Brian stares at the Marshal while Memaw by Mario Tofano 1. EXT. GOLF COURSE - DAY White sand sprays into the sky, a golf ball reaches the summit of a sand trap before rolling back down. The head of the golf club is wiped clean. Now, the club whips down into the pit of sand again, the ball flies into the concave lip of the bunker and once again rolls down. Up and down the ball travels again in Sisyphean futility. A wooden nickel drops into the sand to mark the ball. The GOLFER lifts the ball to examine it. His soft appearance belies a discontent...This is BRIAN, 68, wearing baggy golf knickers and long plaid socks. examining the ball dubiously. Surely user error is not to blame for his... COURSE MARSHAL (O.S.) Excuse me, sir. Brian turns to find a man and cart with some surprise. He hadn't noticed. BRIAN Yeah? COURSE MARSHAL It's time you moved on. You had your shot. Twenty of them at this point. BRIAN But I'm not finished. COURSE MARSHAL Yes you are. Brian drops his ball into the sand defiantly. He squares his shoulders to hit the ball again. He re-focuses on hitting out of the hazard. COURSE MARSHAL If you hit that ball, I'm going to ask you to... CUT TO: EXT. GOLF COURSE PARKING LOT - DAY Grumbling angrily under his breath, Brian throws his golf clubs into the trunk of his car. The Course Marshal watches him from the sidewalk. Brian stares at the Marshal while Memaw by Mario Tofano 1. EXT. GOLF COURSE - DAY White sand sprays into the sky, a golf ball reaches the summit of a sand trap before rolling back down. The head of the golf club is wiped clean. Now, the club whips down into the pit of sand again, the ball flies into the concave lip of the bunker and once again rolls down. Up and down the ball travels again in Sisyphean futility. A wooden nickel drops into the sand to mark the ball. The GOLFER lifts the ball to examine it. His soft appearance belies a discontent...This is BRIAN, 68, wearing baggy golf knickers and long plaid socks. examining the ball dubiously. Surely user error is not to blame for his... COURSE MARSHAL (O.S.) Excuse me, sir. Brian turns to find a man and cart with some surprise. He hadn't noticed. BRIAN Yeah? COURSE MARSHAL It's time you moved on. You had your shot. Twenty of them at this point. BRIAN But I'm not finished. COURSE MARSHAL Yes you are. Brian drops his ball into the sand defiantly. He squares his shoulders to hit the ball again. He re-focuses on hitting out of the hazard. COURSE MARSHAL If you hit that ball, I'm going to ask you to... CUT TO: EXT. GOLF COURSE PARKING LOT - DAY Grumbling angrily under his breath, Brian throws his golf clubs into the trunk of his car. The Course Marshal watches him from the sidewalk. Brian stares at the Marshal while Memaw by Mario Tofano 1. EXT. GOLF COURSE - DAY White sand sprays into the sky, a golf ball reaches the summit of a sand trap before rolling back down. The head of the golf club is wiped clean. Now, the club whips down into the pit of sand again, the ball flies into the concave lip of the bunker and once again rolls down. Up and down the ball travels again in Sisyphean futility. A wooden nickel drops into the sand to mark the ball. The GOLFER lifts the ball to examine it. His soft appearance belies a discontent...This is BRIAN, 68, wearing baggy golf knickers and long plaid socks. examining the ball dubiously. Surely user error is not to blame for his... COURSE MARSHAL (O.S.) Excuse me, sir. Brian turns to find a man and cart with some surprise. He hadn't noticed. BRIAN Yeah? COURSE MARSHAL It's time you moved on. You had your shot. Twenty of them at this point. BRIAN But I'm not finished. COURSE MARSHAL Yes you are. Brian drops his ball into the sand defiantly. He squares his shoulders to hit the ball again. He re-focuses on hitting out of the hazard. COURSE MARSHAL If you hit that ball, I'm going to ask you to... CUT TO: EXT. GOLF COURSE PARKING LOT - DAY Grumbling angrily under his breath, Brian throws his golf clubs into the trunk of his car. The Course Marshal watches him from the sidewalk. Brian stares at the Marshal while slamming the trunk shut for dramatic effect. 2. INT./EXT. CAR - DAY A series of shots following the car as it travels from the ritzy neighborhood surrounding the course, through a quaint 1960's era Main street, and into a long-past-it's-prime residential enclave. 50's show tunes pipe through scratchy speakers. INT. CAR - DAY The jalopy pulls into the driveway of a weatherworn mid- century track home. Blotches of green weeds freckle an otherwise dead straw lawn. His phone rings. The name SHELLY lights up the screen. He perks up. BRIAN There's my girl! SHELLY (exasperated already) Hey dad. BRIAN To what do I owe this treat? SHELLY Quick question. Did the for sale sign arrive, yet? Brian scans the lawn. He clocks a two legged FOR SALE sign at the edge of the yard. BRIAN Doesn't look like it. SHELLY I don't get it. I just confirmed. BRIAN I wouldn't worry about it, honey. It's not worth the wrinkles. SHELLY No, but its worth a couple hundred thousand dollars that we need for Memaw's new home. Brians face drops. This isn't a conversation he wants to have. 3. BRIAN Can we count on seeing you tomorrow for her birthday party? (then) It would mean the world. SHELLY I don't know, dad. Will she even know? BRIAN Of course she will. She's so lucid, Shell. Cogent. She is going to live forever, I'm telling you. SHELLY Ted has plans tomorrow. BRIAN Ted? SHELLY My husband... BRIAN Oh yeah, Ted. Can't wait to meet him. How about Sunday? SHELLY (hesitant) Sure, okay. And I'll bring by the sign myself. BRIAN Sunday it is. I love you, honey. SHELLY Bye, dad. INT. HOME - DAY Besides a halo emitted from a t.v. set, the living room is cavernously dim with most of the window blinds turned down. In one corner we see an unkempt shrine of sports memorabilia. The volume of the television is BLASTING. Brian enters the house holding the FOR SALE sign, instantly dropping it to cover his ears. He's yelling something inaudible to someone across the room to no effect. He winces his way to the t.v. Remote, mutes the volume. 4. An ancient old WOMAN sitting upright on a couch with faded upholstery clocks his presence. This is MEMAW, a hard of hearing nonagenarian maintaining a 1960's stylishness. BRIAN (muted) You forgot to turn your ears on. Brian points toward his own ear. She reacts by turning up her hearing aids. MEMAW I forgot to turn my ears on. BRIAN I know, mom. He flips the tv off. She shoots him a sharp glance of disapproval. BRIAN We need to make a store run. Pick up provisions for dinner. MEMAW I don't want to. BRIAN You need to get your steps in. She's steadfast. BRIAN I'll buy you an ice cream. She softens. INT. GROCERY STORE - DAY Memaw holds onto the side of the shopping cart licking an ice cream bar as Brian grabs t.v dinners from the frozen section. The freezer door fogs up as he studies bags of FRENCH CUISINE options. BRIAN Should we try some fancy French food? Memaw sticks her tongue out in disgust. BRIAN Don't you want to try something new? 5. MEMAW I want pizza rolls. (then) And those chicken dinosaurs! A parental smile on his face, Brian takes on a diplomatic tone. BRIAN We've got to buy the French food to use our coupons but I understand if you have a hankering for our favorites. So we can have the dinobites tonight. (she's pleased) That means fried frog legs and snail shells for your birthday tomorrow. Her face wrinkles up, sounds like a crap deal. MEMAW (conceding) Let's do the French tonight. BRIAN You sure? MEMAW Can we add french fries? CUT TO: INT. GROCERY STORE - CONTINUOUS A friendly female CASHIER scans a giant bag of frozen french fries. Memaw is dutifully unloading the cart. When Brian tries to speed the process along the old woman grabs the food from his hand in annoyance. MEMAW I want to do it. He and the Cashier share a knowing look. BRIAN Okay you do it. I've got to run and grab one more thing. Memaw couldn't care less. The Cashier waves him off. 6. CASHIER Go ahead. I'll keep my eyes on her. Brian mouths the word "thanks" before disappearing down an aisle. One by one Memaw sets the contents of the cart onto the belt. INT. GROCERY STORE - CONTINUOUS Brian turns down the baking aisle and hastily grabs the first box of confetti cake he sees. Birthday candles hang just above the cake mixes. The number "9" is missing so he rounds up and grabs "100." Before heading back to the check stand he has one final item to grab. Creeping down the pharmacy aisle, Brian waits for another CUSTOMER to pass by before he grabs a box of extra lubricated condoms. INT. GROCERY STORE - CONTINUOUS The Cashier has nearly finished scanning everything when Brian returns. He tosses the new items onto the belt, suddenly hesitant to make eye contact. CASHIER Do we have a birthday girl in our midst? BRIAN That is Ms. Russerford County 1952. CASHIER (to Memaw) What a nice son you have. MEMAW He's not my son. The Cashier processes the remark just as she looks down at the box of condoms. Her demeanor shifts to disbelief. Then watching Brian extend his hand to Memaw for money, the Cashier stares him down with hostility. He fixes his gaze on the bags of groceries while the transaction processes, he knows how it looks. 7. INT. HOME - DAY Through the sliding glass door Memaw watches Brian putt. The phone rings. She ambles over to a mounted landline. MEMAW Hello? EXT. HOME - DAY In the backyard, Brian lines up a putt toward a red plastic cup. He pulls back and just as he is following through... Memaw screams from inside. INT. HOME - DAY Brian runs into the house. Memaw is beside herself crying. BRIAN What is it mom? MEMAW I don't have enough! BRIAN What? MEMAW I can't afford to get her free. He takes the phone from her. She sobs back toward the couch. BRIAN What's this about? CALLER Uh...Well...as I was telling Dorothy...uh...her daughter Cheryl has been arrested and... BRIAN Where? CALLER She's being held in our...in the downtown station? Brian doesn't buy it. 8. BRIAN Is this...are you trying to scam us? The caller goes silent. BRIAN (CONT'D) Listen here you little shit there's a special place in hell for people like you. (then) Don't ever call back here. I mean it. Brian waits with the receiver to his ear for a beat when... CALLER We'll get her. Just wait. The line clicks. Brian slams the phone. Memaw sobs audibly. Brian steps toward her when the phone rings again. He answers in a fury... BRIAN This is harassment! CALLER 2 Hello? He realizes the voice is different. BRIAN What's this about? CALLER 2 I'm calling to inquire about the house for sale at... Brian slams the phone. He walks over to the couch to console Memaw. He bends down to hug her when... He's punched in the nose by an awful smell. He start to gag. BRIAN What the hell? Memaw is hunched over in shame. She looks up at him. MEMAW I'm sorry. 9. INT. BATHROOM - DAY Memaw splashes water in the bathtub while Brian slowly scrubs her back in a clockwise motion. CUT TO: INT. LIVING ROOM - EVENING Match-cut with scrubbing motion except now Brian is working on the soiled couch cushion. The 1970 gonzo Western "A Boy and His Dog" is on t.v. (We hear a line he repeats it. Memaw emerges fresh and dressed in.... BRIAN Look at you all cleaned up! (On her smile) Is it dinner time? She nods. BRIAN Let me get changed. INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Now dressed in an outdated black suit, Brian fixes Memaw a dinner plate with portions of various microwavable packages. Wearing a serviette draped over his forearm, he delivers the plate to a folding tray table set up in front of the couch. One couch cushion is conspicuously missing. BRIAN For the mademoiselle. MEMAW Thank you. He pulls a miniature pepper grinder from his pocket. BRIAN Can I interest in you fresh ground pepper? MEMAW Oh, certainly. He maintains a stately posture while cranking the grinder until she lifts her hand with a gentle nod. 10. INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT By the look of their picked around plates dinner was unsuccessful. For dessert they happily slurp chocolate milk out of straws. BRIAN How would you like a new bed? MEMAW Brand new? BRIAN Plastic wrapped. MEMAW How lovely. BRIAN Well alright then. INT. LIVING ROOM - LATER Brian flips through channels. Memaw is asleep with her head on his shoulder. A commercial for a dating service piques his interest. Its the kind of midnight ad that features scantily clad women sprawled out across beds twisting their hair around their fingers and biting their lips while talking on the phone. "CALL OR TEXT US TONIGHT AT 555-6969" Brian messages the number: Still awake. Is anyone home? He watches his screen for an extended beat before pocketing the phone. Memaw is awaken by Brian flipping off the t.v. MEMAW Leave it on. BRIAN Okay. Not too late though. He clicks the glowing screen back on and stands up to prepare for bed. Before leaving he flips the soiled couch cushion over and fills the empty space. Memaw stretches out across the couch and Brian tucks her in with a ratty old blanket. BRIAN Night, mom. 11. INT. BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS Old framed photos cover the walls, the surfaces of antique furniture are decorated with tchotskis. Clearly this room once belonged to Memaw. Brian's phone chimes from the nightstand. He re-enters the room from the en suite to check his message. Message: I'm Genesis. What are you wearing right now? He looks at himself in the full length mirror. He realizes the silk pajama set he's donning is ridiculous given the context. He responds: Just a smile. You? And he is smiling, satisfied with his message, when his eyes bulge out their sockets. Reveal: Two globular breasts smile back from his screen. Brian gets into bed, turns off the bedside lamp, and illuminated by the phone screen, messages her back. EXT. SWAP MEET - MORNING The old jalopy pulls into a swap meet parking lot. As always Brian is dressed to impress in a beige plaid suit circa 1985 betrayed by clunky white walking shoes. Brian rifles through a hoard of sports memorabilia scattered around his backseat. He's not looking for anything in particular, just stuffing a random assortment of laminated baseball cards, signed photos, and jerseys into a box. INT. SWAP MEET - MORNING Walking with purpose, Brian meanders through the labyrinthine bazaar filled with tents, tables, and showcase space. He's a regular and the occasional fellow seller waves to him. Heading toward a furniture showroom in the back corner of the market, he bypasses the plastic wrapped couches without consideration. Scanning the inventory, Brian finds exactly what he's looking for, a new-ish L-couch banged up around the edges but in good shape. A SALESMAN approaches. This is DAVIS (48) a natural talker with a spidery disposition that welcomes clients into his web before sucking them dry. 12. BRIAN There's the man! DAVIS What's shaken, Brian? BRIAN I've got a deal for you. DAVIS Uh oh, coming from you that's a worrisome proposition. Brian gestures to the couch. DAVIS I'm listening. BRIAN I've got 70 in cash... DAVIS Green is god. BRIAN 100 more on a gift card... DAVIS I'm embarrassed for both of us. BRIAN Yes? DAVIS Plastic is plastic. BRIAN And I'll pay the difference out of the bag. Brian lifts the bag of miscellaneous memorabilia. DAVIS Now we're in trouble. BRIAN Take three...five items...Take whatever you want. DAVIS Come on Brian, we've been selling here plenty long together. I can spot knockoffs all day. 13. BRIAN These aren't knockoffs. DAVIS Sure and this sectional didn't fall off a truck in Juarez. BRIAN It's a birthday gift for my old lady. DAVIS You mean your mother in law? BRIAN Look here, you like golf. There's a replica Master's jacket signed by Tiger... DAVIS Which one? Tony the Tiger? BRIAN Work with me. Davis reluctantly looks into the bag. He's not impressed but its not total junk. DAVIS Tell you what. What kind of driver you got? BRIAN An old Callaway. DAVIS A bertha? Brian shakes his head no. DAVIS If you find me a bertha and give me the whole bag. You got a deal. EXT. SWAP MEET - DAY Brian walks back to car dejected. He tosses the mystery bag onto passenger seat. When he turns the radio on he hears an ad for a golf course. Suddenly the wheels are spinning. CUT TO: 14. EXT. GOLF COURSE - DAY Brian watches as Course Marshal welcomes GOLFERS in to the pro shop. They drop their clubs off at door. That's his cue, Brian speedwalks to the golf bags, locates a bertha driver, spins back toward the parking lot. He's nearly home free when a familiar voice calls out... COURSE MARSHAL Hey! Brian pretends not to notice. COURSE MARSHAL Hey Buddy! In the...plaid. Brian stops, he's caught. He faces his fate with a friendly smile. BRIAN Good Morning! The Marshal approaches with a sober disposition, he means business. COURSE MARSHAL Morning. I thought it might be you again. Marshal surveys the club in Brian's hand. BRIAN What's this about? COURSE MARSHAL Glad to see you came back. I was rude the other day. I apologize. Come see me at the shop next time for a free sleeve of balls. The worry on Brian's face dissolves. BRIAN I sure will. Take care. Brian turns to leave when... COURSE MARSHAL Aren't you forgetting something? Brian shakes his head. COURSE MARSHAL The club? 15. The Marshal extends his hand to take the club from Brian. He doesn't resist. Brian waits to be reproached by the Marshal when... The Marshal removes a golf club cover from his pocket and pulls it over the club head. The cover is nearly the same color and pattern as Brian's suit. The Marshal hands the club back to Brian with a smile. COURSE MARSHAL You left it at the range you ding- dong! Not that anyone could mistake it's rightful owner. Brian rolls his eyes and knocks on his own skull. Of course! BRIAN Thank you. INT. HOME - DAY Brian kicks open the door to lug the new used couch into the living room with help from Davis. Memaw hardly seems to notice. BRIAN/DAVIS Happy Birthday to you...Happy birthday to you... Between the singing, the strange man, and the new furniture, Memaw is bewildered. BRIAN/DAVIS Happy birthday dear Me... MEMAW I don't want it. BRIAN Come on now mom, you need a new bed. MEMAW It's too much. BRIAN You kidding? He practically paid us to take it from him. Davis nods affirmatively, it's true. 16. MEMAW Oh... (then) Where's the plastic wrap? INT. HOME - DAY Standing at the window, Memaw watches Brian and Davis load a truck bed with the old couch. She walks over to the new couch apprehensively. She touches the arm-rest before taking a quick step backward as if the couch might spring at her. Memaw and the couch have a stand-off of sorts. Then she takes a seat, kicking her legs up onto the chaise. It's comfortable. She bounces up and down before sitting up agitated by something beneath the seat. She wedges her hand behind the cushion and pulls out... A pistol. Her mouth drops in surprise. She studies the gun with a childlike interest. Then Brian opens the door waving off Davis... BRIAN (to Davis) See you next week! In a moment of panic Memaw returns the gun to the cushion. Self-conscious, Memaw sits awkwardly upright. She looks like a woman with a secret. Brian notices this strange behavior. BRIAN Everything okay? She looks into his eyes nervously when... BURP. She covers her mouth naively after the fact. Brian shakes it off, teasing her... BRIAN No more soda pop for you, missy. (on her playful smile) I'm going to get cleaned up for the party. EXT. HOME - EVENING Brian paces around the backyard with a weedwhacker. He is wearing a black tuxedo with a red bow tie. 17. A faded fiberglass flamingo and an assortment of other weathered lawn ornaments (gnomes, cartoonish animals etc.) decorate the parched lawn. Brian arranges the lawn ornaments in a single line facing the sliding glass door to the house. After a couple more choice snips with the weedwhacker he raises a thumbs up toward the glass door. The door slides open slowly and out comes Memaw dressed in an elegant formal dress, painted in makeup, wearing a tiara. She is as radiant as she is grotesque. Brian claps for the birthday girl wearing a cone hat, a party blower whistling from his mouth. She raises one arm and slowly takes a spin. The reception of lawn ornaments stare and smile blankly at her. INT. HOME - NIGHT Montage: -Brian pops champagne, pouring himself a large glass and Memaw a short glass -Dunking dinobites into ketchup -Cheersing pizza rolls -He performs karaoke for her. She claps joyfully. -Dancing for her, he spins his jacket around his head, drags it between his legs, wraps it around her neck playfully. She laughs youthfully. -She blows out her birthday candle. -They slow dance happily, euphoric even. INT. HOME - NIGHT Back on the couch again, the night is coming to a close. Memaw is stretched out comfortably. Brian pours the last drops of sparkling wine into his glass. He is dipping his finger into the remaining cake frosting when the doorbell rings. Brian pops to his feet, quickly straightening his tie and brushing crumbs off his lap. He checks his smile in the mirror. 18. BRIAN Time for bed, mom. Turn your ears off. She looks at him gratefully, turns her hearing aids down, then returns her attention to the glowing tv box. Brian opens the door. He welcomes in Genesis, 39, an escort. They walk back to the bedroom. Muffled stereo music begins to play, indiscernible chatter follows. Memaw closes her eyes. INT. HOME - NIGHT Memaw startles awake to the sound of muffled yelling. Frightened, she digs her hand into the couch cushion for her weapon. She cradles the gun in her lap as the yelling intensifies. Then Brian emerges pulling the escort by her arm. He forces her out the door as she screams and swats at him. He slams the door and turns off the porch light. He returns to the bedroom without acknowledging Memaw. The old woman watches the door vigilantly as if any moment chaos will break through. The house is still and quiet but she can't look away for more than a second. INT. HOME - MORNING Brian walks out in his boxer-briefs and tee shirt scratching his balls. He pours two bowls of cereal and two glasses of orange juice. He and Memaw eat at their couch trays. BRIAN Shelly is coming over today. MEMAW Shelly? BRIAN My daughter Shelly. MEMAW (excited) Cheryl is coming? BRIAN No Cheryl is your daughter. Shelly's mom. 19. MEMAW Where is Cheryl? BRIAN I tried to get her to come over but you know how busy... A knock at the door interrupts them. It's much too early for Shelly so Brian walks to the door cautiously. He looks through the peep hole. A tough looking MAN, 30's, wearing sporty wraparound sunglasses waits at the door. Brian cracks open the door to hide his underwear. BRIAN Yes? MAN Brian, right? BRIAN That's right. MAN Good morning, Brian, I'm Chang. Chang extends his hand for a shake, tattoos poke out from beneath his shirt sleeve. Brian senses tension but shakes his hand anyway. Chang grips him tightly, squeezing until Brian pulls away. Chang points to a golf club leaning outside against the wall. CHANG You a golfer, Brian? (on Brian's hesitant nod) I'm more of a baseball guy myself but I'm thinking about picking up the game. Easier on the joints and what not. BRIAN What is this about? CHANG Well, Brian, it has come to my attention that you mistreated one of my employees. Brian doesn't get it, then he does. CHANG She's got your handprint tattooed on her arm, Brian. 20. Brian checks over his shoulder for Memaw. She looks worried. BRIAN She tried to steal my wallet. CHANG This is your chance to apologize. BRIAN I'd like you to leave. Goodbye. Brian starts to close the door when Chang wedges his foot into the jamb. With one sturdy push he forces his way into the house. Brian steps back defensively. BRIAN I'm going to call the cops. CHANG Grab your wallet Brian and I'll wait right here with your... Chang loses his train of thought when he realizes... Memaw is pointing the pistol at him. Clocking Chang's surprise Brian turns to Memaw before hopping out of her sights. BRIAN What in the woah! (then) Mom...put the gun down... She's steadfast. Not an ounce of fear in her. MEMAW Out. Chang backs out the door with his hands raised in front of him. He smiles, amused not worried. Brian bolts the door. Still aiming at the door, Memaw's arms begin to shake. She can't muster the strength to hold the gun anymore. Brian takes the gun from her. She refocuses on her programs. INT. HOME - DAY Brian puts the handgun in a shoe box. Holding a phone to his ear he paces back and forth anxiously waiting for Davis to answer. When he does answer his voice is ice cold. 21. DAVIS You've got some nerve. BRIAN I've got a problem. That couch you sold me had a gun stashed in it. My Memaw could have shot herself! DAVIS Is it loaded? BRIAN What? I don't know but I don't want it in this house. DAVIS You better load it, Brian, because this gift card you bargained with is unloaded. So you're right you do have a problem. BRIAN That's impossible. DAVIS Don't make me re-possess your mother's bed. BRIAN You are really going to shake me down after all these years? DAVIS You need to make it right. You won't get another courtesy call. BRIAN Fuck you! Brian pitches the phone into a pillow. He takes one more look at the gun, closes the box, and slides it beneath the bed. INT. HOME - DAY Brian watches the street from the living room window in eager anticipation. A car parks in front of his house. A 30-something couple hops out of the car. The woman is carrying a FOR SALE sign. Brian smiles brightly. This is his daughter Shelly and her husband Ted. BRIAN They're here mom! 22. Memaw is unmoved. Brian meets them at the door with open arms. BRIAN My daughter! He leans in to give Shelly a big hug. She resists his warmth ever so slightly, as if unfamiliar. SHELLY Hey dad. (then) This is my husband Ted. Brian welcomes Ted with a warm handshake. BRIAN Terrific to meet you, Ted. Upon entering the house, Brian removes his daughter's coat from her shoulders. Again she resists his touch before relinquishing the coat. BRIAN What a nice jacket. (to Ted) She get's her sense of style from her old man. TED I can see that. Brian points to a small dining room table where Memaw is sitting. BRIAN Make yourselves at home. They all take a seat. SHELLY Happy Birthday, Memaw. Memaw examines the couple dubiously. MEMAW You're not Cheryl. BRIAN I told you that, mom. SHELLY No, I'm Shelly grandma. 23. MEMAW I wanted to see Cheryl. Memaw can't be bothered. She excuses herself from the table and returns to her spot on the couch. Brian carries on as if nothing happened. BRIAN So... when did you do that to your hair, honey? SHELLY (short) About six months ago. I sent you a picture. BRIAN Oh that's right. Well you know its just so small on my phone screen. I wish I saw you more in the flesh. SHELLY Here I am. BRIAN The real Mccoy! TED Actually we're the McDougal's. BRIAN Right, congratulations. We were sorry to have missed the ceremony. SHELLY It was really something. BRIAN I bet it was. TED She looked beautiful. Feeling cornered already Brian changes the subject. BRIAN So what kind of work do you do Ted? TED I work in cyber security. 24. BRIAN No kidding. I did IT myself for about 15 years until I got the carpal tunnel. SHELLY (sarcastic) I didn't know you could get carpal tunnel from golf. Brian is cut again by his daughter's disrespect toward him but keeps trying. BRIAN Of course after that I got into dealing sports memorabilia. I used to take Shelly to all the trade shows. She met Hank Aaron. You remember that? SHELLY I remember. BRIAN She loved sports. You like sports, Ted? TED (receptive) Sure, I guess. Brian walks over to his corner of memorabilia. He starts rifling through merchandise. BRIAN Who's your team? SHELLY He's just being polite dad. He doesn't really care. BRIAN I got everything. TED Honestly, I really only watch the Super Bowl. BRIAN Favorite color? TED I don't know. Green? 25. SHELLY Dad... BRIAN Green? Okay, coming right up. Brian is flipping furiously through merchandise. There's no goddamn green. Finally he pulls out a black shirt that has green print on it. A small triumph. He hands it to Ted. BRIAN Welcome to the family. Ted accepts the gift with a forced grin. TED Thank you, sir. Brian rejoins the table. BRIAN So how's you mother? SHELLY Can we just be adults here? BRIAN You sound just like her. SHELLY Okay...well...here it goes. We're selling the house, dad. BRIAN Okay, well, it's your grandmother's house. I think it's her decision. SHELLY She can't make that decision. BRIAN (bluntly) We're not selling. SHELLY That's not your decision to make. BRIAN (raising his voice) As her primary caretaker I think I can weigh in. 26. SHELLY Mom thinks you need her more than she needs you. BRIAN Mom said that... (then) And what do you think? The silence is confirmation of his fears. Hurt and angry he stands from the table and points to the door. BRIAN I'd like you to leave. SHELLY Come on, dad. BRIAN It's time for Memaw's nap. She needs rest. SHELLY We need to figure this out! BRIAN No. You need to get out! The yelling prompts Memaw's attention. MEMAW Shoot 'em! TED (to Shelly) Let's go. (standing to leave) This is a madhouse. BRIAN (to Memaw) Turn your ears off, mom! Memaw shows her disapproval with a sneer but follows his instruction dutifully. SHELLY You're controlling her. BRIAN Get the fuck out of my house, Shelly! 27. Disappointed, Shelly holds on to these words for a beat, there it is. Ted puts his arm around her and hurries out the door. Brian collapses back into the chair distraught. He's hurt. BRIAN (sotto) Oh fuck...oh no...oh no...i'm sorry...i'm The doorbell rings. Brian looks up from his hands to see his daughter's coat hanging up. He grabs the coat and swinging the door open... BRIAN Shelly honey I'm so... A baseball bat CRACKS him across the face. Brian collapses with a THUD. ANGLE on Memaw: an out of focused assailant stands over Brian's body swinging down one, two, three more times. Unaware of the violence unfolding behind her, Memaw watches tv in silence. 28.

Memaw 2

slamming the trunk shut for dramatic effect. 2. INT./EXT. CAR - DAY A series of shots following the car as it travels from the ritzy neighborhood surrounding the course, through a quaint 1960's era Main street, and into a long-past-it's-prime residential enclave. 50's show tunes pipe through scratchy speakers. INT. CAR - DAY The jalopy pulls into the driveway of a weatherworn mid- century track home. Blotches of green weeds freckle an otherwise dead straw lawn. His phone rings. The name SHELLY lights up the screen. He perks up. BRIAN There's my girl! SHELLY (exasperated already) Hey dad. BRIAN To what do I owe this treat? SHELLY Quick question. Did the for sale sign arrive, yet? Brian scans the lawn. He clocks a two legged FOR SALE sign at the edge of the yard. BRIAN Doesn't look like it. SHELLY I don't get it. I just confirmed. BRIAN I wouldn't worry about it, honey. It's not worth the wrinkles. SHELLY No, but its worth a couple hundred thousand dollars that we need for Memaw's new home. Brians face drops. This isn't a conversation he wants to have. 3. BRIAN Can we count on seeing you tomorrow for her birthday party? (then) It would mean the world. SHELLY I don't know, dad. Will she even know? BRIAN Of course she will. She's so lucid, Shell. Cogent. She is going to live forever, I'm telling you. SHELLY Ted has plans tomorrow. BRIAN Ted? SHELLY My husband... BRIAN Oh yeah, Ted.

Can't wait to meet him. How about Sunday? SHELLY (hesitant) Sure, okay. And I'll bring by the sign myself. BRIAN Sunday it is. I love you, honey. SHELLY Bye, dad. INT. HOME - DAY Besides a halo emitted from a t.v. set, the living room is cavernously dim with most of the window blinds turned down. In one corner we see an unkempt shrine of sports memorabilia. The volume of the television is BLASTING. Brian enters the house holding the FOR SALE sign, instantly dropping it to cover his ears. He's yelling something inaudible to someone across the room to no effect. He winces his way to the t.v. Remote, mutes the volume. 4. An ancient old WOMAN sitting upright on a couch with faded upholstery clocks his presence. This is MEMAW, a hard of hearing nonagenarian maintaining a 1960's stylishness. BRIAN (muted) You forgot to turn your ears on. Brian points toward his own ear. She reacts by turning up her hearing aids. MEMAW I forgot to turn my ears on. BRIAN I know, mom. He flips the tv off. She shoots him a sharp glance of disapproval. BRIAN We need to make a store run. Pick up provisions for dinner. MEMAW I don't want to. BRIAN You need to get your steps in. She's steadfast. BRIAN I'll buy you an ice cream. She softens. INT. GROCERY STORE - DAY Memaw holds onto the side of the shopping cart licking an

ice cream bar as Brian grabs t.v dinners from the frozen section. The freezer door fogs up as he studies bags of FRENCH CUISINE options. BRIAN Should we try some fancy French food? Memaw sticks her tongue out in disgust. BRIAN Don't you want to try something new? 5. MEMAW I want pizza rolls. (then) And those chicken dinosaurs! A parental smile on his face, Brian takes on a diplomatic tone. BRIAN We've got to buy the French food to use our coupons but I understand if you have a hankering for our favorites. So we can have the dinobites tonight. (she's pleased) That means fried frog legs and snail shells for your birthday tomorrow. Her face wrinkles up, sounds like a crap deal. MEMAW (conceding) Let's do the French tonight. BRIAN You sure? MEMAW Can we add french fries? CUT TO: INT. GROCERY STORE - CONTINUOUS A friendly female CASHIER scans a giant bag of frozen french fries. Memaw is dutifully unloading the cart. When Brian tries to speed the process along the old woman grabs the food from his hand in annoyance. MEMAW I want to do it. He and the Cashier share a knowing look. BRIAN Okay you do it. I've got to run and grab one more thing. Memaw couldn't care less. The Cashier waves him off. 6. CASHIER Go ahead. I'll keep my eyes on her. Brian mouths the word "thanks" before disappearing down an aisle.

One by one Memaw sets the contents of the cart onto the belt. INT. GROCERY STORE - CONTINUOUS Brian turns down the baking aisle and hastily grabs the first box of confetti cake he sees. Birthday candles hang just above the cake mixes. The number "9" is missing so he rounds up and grabs "100." Before heading back to the check stand he has one final item to grab. Creeping down the pharmacy aisle, Brian waits for another CUSTOMER to pass by before he grabs a box of extra lubricated condoms. INT. GROCERY STORE - CONTINUOUS The Cashier has nearly finished scanning everything when Brian returns. He tosses the new items onto the belt, suddenly hesitant to make eye contact. CASHIER Do we have a birthday girl in our midst? BRIAN That is Ms. Russerford County 1952. CASHIER (to Memaw) What a nice son you have. MEMAW He's not my son. The Cashier processes the remark just as she looks down at the box of condoms. Her demeanor shifts to disbelief. Then watching Brian extend his hand to Memaw for money, the Cashier stares him down with hostility. He fixes his gaze on the bags of groceries while the transaction processes, he knows how it looks. 7. INT. HOME - DAY Through the sliding glass door Memaw watches Brian putt. The phone rings. She ambles over to a mounted landline. MEMAW Hello? EXT. HOME - DAY In the backyard, Brian lines up a putt toward a red plastic cup.

He pulls back and just as he is following through... Memaw screams from inside. INT. HOME - DAY Brian runs into the house. Memaw is beside herself crying. BRIAN What is it mom? MEMAW I don't have enough! BRIAN What? MEMAW I can't afford to get her free. He takes the phone from her. She sobs back toward the couch. BRIAN What's this about? CALLER Uh...Well...as I was telling Dorothy...uh...her daughter Cheryl has been arrested and... BRIAN Where? CALLER She's being held in our...in the downtown station? Brian doesn't buy it. 8. BRIAN Is this...are you trying to scam us? The caller goes silent. BRIAN (CONT'D) Listen here you little shit there's a special place in hell for people like you. (then) Don't ever call back here. I mean it. Brian waits with the receiver to his ear for a beat when... CALLER We'll get her. Just wait. The line clicks. Brian slams the phone. Memaw sobs audibly. Brian steps toward her when the phone rings again. He answers in a fury... BRIAN This is harassment! CALLER 2 Hello? He realizes the voice is different. BRIAN What's this about? CALLER 2 I'm calling to inquire about the house for sale at... Brian slams the phone. He walks over to the couch to console Memaw. He bends down to hug her when... He's punched in the nose by an awful smell. He start to gag. BRIAN What the hell? Memaw is hunched over in shame. She looks up at him. MEMAW

I'm sorry. 9. INT. BATHROOM - DAY Memaw splashes water in the bathtub while Brian slowly scrubs her back in a clockwise motion. CUT TO: INT. LIVING ROOM - EVENING Match-cut with scrubbing motion except now Brian is working on the soiled couch cushion. The 1970 gonzo Western "A Boy and His Dog" is on t.v. (We hear a line he repeats it. Memaw emerges fresh and dressed in.... BRIAN Look at you all cleaned up! (On her smile) Is it dinner time? She nods. BRIAN Let me get changed. INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Now dressed in an outdated black suit, Brian fixes Memaw a dinner plate with portions of various microwavable packages. Wearing a serviette draped over his forearm, he delivers the plate to a folding tray table set up in front of the couch. One couch cushion is conspicuously missing. BRIAN For the mademoiselle. MEMAW Thank you. He pulls a miniature pepper grinder from his pocket. BRIAN Can I interest in you fresh ground pepper? MEMAW Oh, certainly. He maintains a stately posture while cranking the grinder until she lifts her hand with a gentle nod. 10. INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT By the look of their picked around plates dinner was unsuccessful. For dessert they happily slurp chocolate milk out of straws. BRIAN How would you like a new bed? MEMAW Brand new? BRIAN Plastic wrapped. MEMAW How lovely. BRIAN Well alright then. INT. LIVING ROOM - LATER Brian flips through channels.

Memaw is asleep with her head on his shoulder. A commercial for a dating service piques his interest. Its the kind of midnight ad that features scantily clad women sprawled out across beds twisting their hair around their fingers and biting their lips while talking on the phone. "CALL OR TEXT US TONIGHT AT 555-6969" Brian messages the number: Still awake. Is anyone home? He watches his screen for an extended beat before pocketing the phone. Memaw is awaken by Brian flipping off the t.v. MEMAW Leave it on. BRIAN Okay. Not too late though. He clicks the glowing screen back on and stands up to prepare for bed. Before leaving he flips the soiled couch cushion over and fills the empty space. Memaw stretches out across the couch and Brian tucks her in with a ratty old blanket. BRIAN Night, mom. 11. INT. BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS Old framed photos cover the walls, the surfaces of antique furniture are decorated with tchotskis. Clearly this room once belonged to Memaw. Brian's phone chimes from the nightstand. He re-enters the room from the en suite to check his message. Message: I'm Genesis. What are you wearing right now? He looks at himself in the full length mirror. He realizes the silk pajama set he's donning is ridiculous given the context. He responds: Just a smile. You? And he is smiling, satisfied with his message, when his eyes bulge out their sockets. Reveal: Two globular breasts smile back from his screen.

Brian gets into bed, turns off the bedside lamp, and illuminated by the phone screen, messages her back. EXT. SWAP MEET - MORNING The old jalopy pulls into a swap meet parking lot. As always Brian is dressed to impress in a beige plaid suit circa 1985 betrayed by clunky white walking shoes. Brian rifles through a hoard of sports memorabilia scattered around his backseat. He's not looking for anything in particular, just stuffing a random assortment of laminated baseball cards, signed photos, and jerseys into a box. INT. SWAP MEET - MORNING Walking with purpose, Brian meanders through the labyrinthine bazaar filled with tents, tables, and showcase space. He's a regular and the occasional fellow seller waves to him. Heading toward a furniture showroom in the back corner of the market, he bypasses the plastic wrapped couches without consideration. Scanning the inventory, Brian finds exactly what he's looking for, a new-ish L-couch banged up around the edges but in good shape. A SALESMAN approaches. This is DAVIS (48) a natural talker with a spidery disposition that welcomes clients into his web before sucking them dry. 12. BRIAN There's the man! DAVIS What's shaken, Brian? BRIAN I've got a deal for you. DAVIS Uh oh, coming from you that's a worrisome proposition. Brian gestures to the couch. DAVIS I'm listening. BRIAN I've got 70 in cash... DAVIS Green is god. BRIAN 100 more on a gift card... DAVIS I'm embarrassed for both of us. BRIAN Yes? DAVIS Plastic is plastic.

BRIAN And I'll pay the difference out of the bag. Brian lifts the bag of miscellaneous memorabilia. DAVIS Now we're in trouble. BRIAN Take three...five items...Take whatever you want. DAVIS Come on Brian, we've been selling here plenty long together. I can spot knockoffs all day. 13. BRIAN These aren't knockoffs. DAVIS Sure and this sectional didn't fall off a truck in Juarez. BRIAN It's a birthday gift for my old lady. DAVIS You mean your mother in law? BRIAN Look here, you like golf. There's a replica Master's jacket signed by Tiger... DAVIS Which one? Tony the Tiger? BRIAN Work with me. Davis reluctantly looks into the bag. He's not impressed but its not total junk. DAVIS Tell you what. What kind of driver you got? BRIAN An old Callaway. DAVIS A bertha? Brian shakes his head no. DAVIS If you find me a bertha and give me the whole bag. You got a deal. EXT. SWAP MEET - DAY Brian walks back to car dejected. He tosses the mystery bag onto passenger seat. When he turns the radio on he hears an ad for a golf course. Suddenly the wheels are spinning. CUT TO: 14. EXT. GOLF COURSE - DAY Brian watches as Course Marshal welcomes GOLFERS in to the pro shop. They drop their clubs off at door. That's his cue, Brian speedwalks to the golf bags, locates a bertha driver, spins back toward the parking lot. He's nearly home free when a familiar voice calls out...

COURSE MARSHAL Hey! Brian pretends not to notice. COURSE MARSHAL Hey Buddy! In the...plaid. Brian stops, he's caught. He faces his fate with a friendly smile. BRIAN Good Morning! The Marshal approaches with a sober disposition, he means business. COURSE MARSHAL Morning. I thought it might be you again. Marshal surveys the club in Brian's hand. BRIAN What's this about? COURSE MARSHAL Glad to see you came back. I was rude the other day. I apologize. Come see me at the shop next time for a free sleeve of balls. The worry on Brian's face dissolves. BRIAN I sure will. Take care. Brian turns to leave when... COURSE MARSHAL Aren't you forgetting something? Brian shakes his head. COURSE MARSHAL The club? 15. The Marshal extends his hand to take the club from Brian. He doesn't resist. Brian waits to be reproached by the Marshal when... The Marshal removes a golf club cover from his pocket and pulls it over the club head. The cover is nearly the same color and pattern as Brian's suit. The Marshal hands the club back to Brian with a smile. COURSE MARSHAL You left it at the range you ding- dong! Not that anyone could mistake it's rightful owner. Brian rolls his eyes and knocks on his own skull. Of course! BRIAN Thank you. INT. HOME - DAY Brian kicks open the door to lug the new used couch into the living room with help from Davis. Memaw hardly seems to notice. BRIAN/DAVIS

Happy Birthday to you...Happy birthday to you... Between the singing, the strange man, and the new furniture, Memaw is bewildered. BRIAN/DAVIS Happy birthday dear Me... MEMAW I don't want it. BRIAN Come on now mom, you need a new bed. MEMAW It's too much. BRIAN You kidding? He practically paid us to take it from him. Davis nods affirmatively, it's true. 16. MEMAW Oh... (then) Where's the plastic wrap? INT. HOME - DAY Standing at the window, Memaw watches Brian and Davis load a truck bed with the old couch. She walks over to the new couch apprehensively. She touches the arm-rest before taking a quick step backward as if the couch might spring at her. Memaw and the couch have a stand-off of sorts. Then she takes a seat, kicking her legs up onto the chaise. It's comfortable. She bounces up and down before sitting up agitated by something beneath the seat. She wedges her hand behind the cushion and pulls out... A pistol. Her mouth drops in surprise. She studies the gun with a childlike interest. Then Brian opens the door waving off Davis... BRIAN (to Davis) See you next week! In a moment of panic Memaw returns the gun to the cushion. Self-conscious, Memaw sits awkwardly upright. She looks like a woman with a secret. Brian notices this strange behavior. BRIAN Everything okay? She looks into his eyes nervously when... BURP. She covers her mouth naively after the fact. Brian shakes it off, teasing her... BRIAN

No more soda pop for you, missy. (on her playful smile) I'm going to get cleaned up for the party. EXT. HOME - EVENING Brian paces around the backyard with a weedwhacker. He is wearing a black tuxedo with a red bow tie. 17. A faded fiberglass flamingo and an assortment of other weathered lawn ornaments (gnomes, cartoonish animals etc.) decorate the parched lawn. Brian arranges the lawn ornaments in a single line facing the sliding glass door to the house. After a couple more choice snips with the weedwhacker he raises a thumbs up toward the glass door. The door slides open slowly and out comes Memaw dressed in an elegant formal dress, painted in makeup, wearing a tiara. She is as radiant as she is grotesque. Brian claps for the birthday girl wearing a cone hat, a party blower whistling from his mouth. She raises one arm and slowly takes a spin. The reception of lawn ornaments stare and smile blankly at her. INT. HOME - NIGHT Montage: -Brian pops champagne, pouring himself a large glass and Memaw a short glass -Dunking dinobites into ketchup -Cheersing pizza rolls -He performs karaoke for her. She claps joyfully. -Dancing for her, he spins his jacket around his head, drags it between his legs, wraps it around her neck playfully. She laughs youthfully. -She blows out her birthday candle. -They slow dance happily, euphoric even. INT. HOME - NIGHT Back on the couch again, the night is coming to a close.

Memaw is stretched out comfortably. Brian pours the last drops of sparkling wine into his glass. He is dipping his finger into the remaining cake frosting when the doorbell rings. Brian pops to his feet, quickly straightening his tie and brushing crumbs off his lap. He checks his smile in the mirror. 18. BRIAN Time for bed, mom. Turn your ears off. She looks at him gratefully, turns her hearing aids down, then returns her attention to the glowing tv box. Brian opens the door. He welcomes in Genesis, 39, an escort. They walk back to the bedroom. Muffled stereo music begins to play, indiscernible chatter follows. Memaw closes her eyes. INT. HOME - NIGHT Memaw startles awake to the sound of muffled yelling. Frightened, she digs her hand into the couch cushion for her weapon. She cradles the gun in her lap as the yelling intensifies. Then Brian emerges pulling the escort by her arm. He forces her out the door as she screams and swats at him. He slams the door and turns off the porch light. He returns to the bedroom without acknowledging Memaw. The old woman watches the door vigilantly as if any moment chaos will break through. The house is still and quiet but she can't look away for more than a second. INT. HOME - MORNING Brian walks out in his boxer-briefs and tee shirt scratching his balls. He pours two bowls of cereal and two glasses of orange juice.

He and Memaw eat at their couch trays. BRIAN Shelly is coming over today. MEMAW Shelly? BRIAN My daughter Shelly. MEMAW (excited) Cheryl is coming? BRIAN No Cheryl is your daughter. Shelly's mom. 19. MEMAW Where is Cheryl? BRIAN I tried to get her to come over but you know how busy... A knock at the door interrupts them. It's much too early for Shelly so Brian walks to the door cautiously. He looks through the peep hole. A tough looking MAN, 30's, wearing sporty wraparound sunglasses waits at the door. Brian cracks open the door to hide his underwear. BRIAN Yes? MAN Brian, right? BRIAN That's right. MAN Good morning, Brian, I'm Chang. Chang extends his hand for a shake, tattoos poke out from beneath his shirt sleeve. Brian senses tension but shakes his hand anyway. Chang grips him tightly, squeezing until Brian pulls away. Chang points to a golf club leaning outside against the wall. CHANG You a golfer, Brian? (on Brian's hesitant nod) I'm more of a baseball guy myself but I'm thinking about picking up the game. Easier on the joints and what not. BRIAN What is this about? CHANG Well, Brian, it has come to my attention that you mistreated one of my employees. Brian doesn't get it, then he does. CHANG She's got your handprint tattooed on her arm, Brian. 20. Brian checks over his shoulder for Memaw. She looks worried. BRIAN She tried to steal my wallet. CHANG

This is your chance to apologize. BRIAN I'd like you to leave. Goodbye. Brian starts to close the door when Chang wedges his foot into the jamb. With one sturdy push he forces his way into the house. Brian steps back defensively. BRIAN I'm going to call the cops. CHANG Grab your wallet Brian and I'll wait right here with your... Chang loses his train of thought when he realizes... Memaw is pointing the pistol at him. Clocking Chang's surprise Brian turns to Memaw before hopping out of her sights. BRIAN What in the woah! (then) Mom...put the gun down... She's steadfast. Not an ounce of fear in her. MEMAW Out. Chang backs out the door with his hands raised in front of him. He smiles, amused not worried. Brian bolts the door. Still aiming at the door, Memaw's arms begin to shake. She can't muster the strength to hold the gun anymore. Brian takes the gun from her. She refocuses on her programs. INT. HOME - DAY Brian puts the handgun in a shoe box. Holding a phone to his ear he paces back and forth anxiously waiting for Davis to answer. When he does answer his voice is ice cold. 21. DAVIS You've got some nerve. BRIAN I've got a problem. That couch you sold me had a gun stashed in it. My Memaw could have shot herself! DAVIS Is it loaded? BRIAN What? I don't know but I don't want it in this house. DAVIS

You better load it, Brian, because this gift card you bargained with is unloaded. So you're right you do have a problem. BRIAN That's impossible. DAVIS Don't make me re-possess your mother's bed. BRIAN You are really going to shake me down after all these years? DAVIS You need to make it right. You won't get another courtesy call. BRIAN Fuck you! Brian pitches the phone into a pillow. He takes one more look at the gun, closes the box, and slides it beneath the bed. INT. HOME - DAY Brian watches the street from the living room window in eager anticipation. A car parks in front of his house. A 30-something couple hops out of the car. The woman is carrying a FOR SALE sign. Brian smiles brightly. This is his daughter Shelly and her husband Ted. BRIAN They're here mom! 22. Memaw is unmoved. Brian meets them at the door with open arms. BRIAN My daughter! He leans in to give Shelly a big hug. She resists his warmth ever so slightly, as if unfamiliar. SHELLY Hey dad. (then) This is my husband Ted. Brian welcomes Ted with a warm handshake. BRIAN Terrific to meet you, Ted. Upon entering the house, Brian removes his daughter's coat from her shoulders. Again she resists his touch before relinquishing the coat. BRIAN What a nice jacket. (to Ted) She get's her sense of style from her old man. TED I can see that.

Brian points to a small dining room table where Memaw is sitting. BRIAN Make yourselves at home. They all take a seat. SHELLY Happy Birthday, Memaw. Memaw examines the couple dubiously. MEMAW You're not Cheryl. BRIAN I told you that, mom. SHELLY No, I'm Shelly grandma. 23. MEMAW I wanted to see Cheryl. Memaw can't be bothered. She excuses herself from the table and returns to her spot on the couch. Brian carries on as if nothing happened. BRIAN So... when did you do that to your hair, honey? SHELLY (short) About six months ago. I sent you a picture. BRIAN Oh that's right. Well you know its just so small on my phone screen. I wish I saw you more in the flesh. SHELLY Here I am. BRIAN The real Mccoy! TED Actually we're the McDougal's. BRIAN Right, congratulations. We were sorry to have missed the ceremony. SHELLY It was really something. BRIAN I bet it was. TED She looked beautiful. Feeling cornered already Brian changes the subject. BRIAN So what kind of work do you do Ted? TED I work in cyber security. 24. BRIAN No kidding. I did IT myself for about 15 years until I got the carpal tunnel. SHELLY (sarcastic) I didn't know you could get carpal tunnel from golf. Brian is cut again by his daughter's disrespect toward him but keeps trying. BRIAN Of course after that I got into dealing sports memorabilia. I used to take Shelly to all the trade shows.

She met Hank Aaron. You remember that? SHELLY I remember. BRIAN She loved sports. You like sports, Ted? TED (receptive) Sure, I guess. Brian walks over to his corner of memorabilia. He starts rifling through merchandise. BRIAN Who's your team? SHELLY He's just being polite dad. He doesn't really care. BRIAN I got everything. TED Honestly, I really only watch the Super Bowl. BRIAN Favorite color? TED I don't know. Green? 25. SHELLY Dad... BRIAN Green? Okay, coming right up. Brian is flipping furiously through merchandise. There's no goddamn green. Finally he pulls out a black shirt that has green print on it. A small triumph. He hands it to Ted. BRIAN Welcome to the family. Ted accepts the gift with a forced grin. TED Thank you, sir. Brian rejoins the table. BRIAN So how's you mother? SHELLY Can we just be adults here? BRIAN You sound just like her. SHELLY Okay...well...here it goes. We're selling the house, dad. BRIAN Okay, well, it's your grandmother's house. I think it's her decision. SHELLY She can't make that decision. BRIAN (bluntly) We're not selling. SHELLY That's not your decision to make. BRIAN (raising his voice) As her primary caretaker I think I can weigh in. 26. SHELLY Mom thinks you need her more than she needs you. BRIAN Mom said that... (then) And what do you think? The silence is confirmation of his fears. Hurt and angry he stands from the table and points to the door. BRIAN

I'd like you to leave. SHELLY Come on, dad. BRIAN It's time for Memaw's nap. She needs rest. SHELLY We need to figure this out! BRIAN No. You need to get out! The yelling prompts Memaw's attention. MEMAW Shoot 'em! TED (to Shelly) Let's go. (standing to leave) This is a madhouse. BRIAN (to Memaw) Turn your ears off, mom! Memaw shows her disapproval with a sneer but follows his instruction dutifully. SHELLY You're controlling her. BRIAN Get the fuck out of my house, Shelly! 27. Disappointed, Shelly holds on to these words for a beat, there it is. Ted puts his arm around her and hurries out the door. Brian collapses back into the chair distraught. He's hurt. BRIAN (sotto) Oh fuck...oh no...oh no...i'm sorry...i'm The doorbell rings. Brian looks up from his hands to see his daughter's coat hanging up. He grabs the coat and swinging the door open... BRIAN Shelly honey I'm so... A baseball bat CRACKS him across the face. Brian collapses with a THUD. ANGLE on Memaw: an out of focused assailant stands over Brian's body swinging down one, two, three more times. Unaware of the violence unfolding behind her, Memaw watches tv in silence. 28.